Unseen Love
The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young
woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid
the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked
down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she
settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against
her leg.
It had been a year since Susan, thirty-four, became blind. Due to a
medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly
thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. Once a
fiercely independent woman, Susan now felt condemned by this terrible
twist of fate to become a powerless, helpless burden on everyone around
her. "How could this have happened to me?" she would plead, her heart
knotted with anger.
But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful
truth that her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung
over Susan's once optimistic spirit. Just getting through each day was an
exercise in frustration and exhaustion. And all she had to cling to was
her husband Mark.
Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all of his heart.
When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was
determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to
become independent again. Mark's military back-ground had trained him well
to deal with sensitive situations, and yet he knew this was the most
difficult battle he would ever face.
Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get
there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get
around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each
day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this
comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife
who was so insecure about performing the slightest task. Soon, however,
Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working-it was hectic and
costly. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted
to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe.
She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?
Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus
again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know
where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning me." Mark's heart broke to
hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that
each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it
took, until she got the hang of it.
And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military
uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught
her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to
determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped
her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a
seat. He made her laugh, even on those not-so-good days when she would
trip exiting the bus, or drop her briefcase. Each morning they made the
journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.
Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the
previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would
be able to ride the bus on her own. He believed in her, in the Susan he
used to know before she'd lost her sight, who wasn't afraid of any
challenge and who would never, ever quit. Finally, Susan decided that she
was ready to try the trip on her own.
Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around
Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best f
riend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his
patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went
their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday ... Each day on
her own went perfectly, and Susan never felt better. She was doing it! She
was going to work all by herself!
On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying
for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you."
Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who
on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the
courage to live for the past year? Curious, she asked the driver, "Why do
you say that you envy me?"
The driver answered, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine
looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the
corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the
street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building.
Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You
are one lucky lady."
Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For, although She couldn't
physically see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was blessed,
for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't
need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where
there had been darkness.
God watches over us in just the same way. We may not know He is present.
We may not be able to see His face, but He is there nonetheless.
Be blessed in this thought: "God Loves You - even when you are not
looking."
The beauty of life isn't how happy you are but how happy others are
because of you. Amen
With deep thanks to Chief Fredie Aswan
Personal Reflection: "Omnia vincit amor" - Love conquers all! The story above is a very touching account of what true love is between husband and wife. Love extends beyond the limitations of physical sickness or any form of human tragedy. Love builds much deeper relationships inspite of unforseen setbacks along the way. Love touches people around who see and feel the intensity and radicality of love. Love celebrates and rejoices the triumph of its mite over helplessness, hopelessness and despair. Love is a shining sun breaking forth a new brand day!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
A Personal Tribute to Sister Aurora " Au-Au" Caspe, SPC 1958-2010
Memories that will last a lifetime - Remembering Sr. Au-Au - By Bobby P. Sagra
Sr. Au-Au Caspe was born in Cabatuan, Iloilo on August 24,1958. Her family is one of the distinguished families in town, her parents being both elementary school teachers. She grew up in another part of the town, quite away from where I grew up, but being in a small town we come to know each other more or less, especially at school. My first vivid recollection of Sr. Au-Au's personal touch and presence in my life was on September,1978 when she, together with Helen Grana and Pangga Grio attended my Investiture ceremony at the St. Nicolas de Tolentino Catholic Church in Cabatuan. They just graduated from their Nursing Courses at that time from St. Paul's College, Iloilo and being together in Cabatuan National Comprehensive High School I invited them to join my first big day as a seminarian of St. Vincent Seminary in Jaro, Iloilo City.
Years and years went by and I did not meet again Sr. Au-Au in person. I just got news from people who know her how she ended up deciding to join the St. Paul de Chartres Sisters (SPC) and finally made it to her final vows. I went on with my journey of discipleship, finally making it to the ordination to the Catholic priesthood and embarking on a missionary journey to the countries of Papua New Guinea and the Solomon Islands, and even having ended up to making my First Vows as a Benedictine monk of Our Lady of Guadalupe Abbey in Pecos, New Mexico.
In December 8,2007 I decided to leave the Catholic priesthood and monkhood and get married to Marilene Lusaya Torre, a single mom and a widow to the late Edgar Regidor Torre, to whom she has given birth to two children, Isabel Torre and Gabriel Torre. Being a friend and classmate of my wife, Sr. Au-Au gathered all their former classmates in CNCHS who are living in Manila and organized a dinner for us just a week before our wedding day. She herself spent half of the price of the dinner party. Observing her and talking briefly to her, I felt how full of charity and kindness her heart was. My wife and I still talk about that moment when we were so happy being near to her heart and prayers.
Last year, Sr. Au-Au celebrated her 25th Anniversary of Religious Profession. I told my wife to take the time and effort to be personally present there to express gratitude to God and to Sr. Au-Au for all her support of friendship and constant prayers in our married life. My wife went and took some beautiful pictures with Sr. Au-Au that day.
When my wife Marl told me over the phone about the passing away of Sr. Au-Au, my first thought was, God bless her soul, she has truly lived a full and abundant life until the end. Just before writing this, I took a quick glance of the Profile of Sr. Au-Au, especially her further studies, success in leadership and accomplishments. I know very well it was a great sacrifice both for her and her family that instead of contemplating to continue to work as a paid salary nurse and go abroad, she decided to become a nursing nun instead. God called her to become so and she responded with great generosity of self and love. Being a Cabatuananon, this is not surprising for me. The people of Cabatuan are great adventurers and achievers in any field of human endeavor. Truly, Sr. Au-Au will linger in our memory and hearts as a daughter of Cabatuan and a graduate of CNCHS we can be really proud of. She is not only a new heroine of our town. She is also our new saint in heaven. My most sincere condolences to the Caspe Family and to the religious community of the Sisters of St. Paul de Chartres.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Daniel's Story
Here is the story of Daniel. I was a volunteer to Childrens' Ministry in the Southwest Charismatic Conference at the Glorieta Conference Center in New Mexico, USA in 2007. In one of the sessions, a nun was asking the children if they celebrate birthdays. Everybody raised their hands except Daniel. Everybody gave smiles and joys except Daniel who just gave a frown. I noted that moment very well. After the session, the mother of Daniel came to see him. When Daniel was away playing with the other kids, the mother told me that Daniel's father left them when she was still conceiving Daniel in her womb. Then Daniel came and hugged his mother. Then the mother requested me to explain to Daniel why he has no father. At first I found it very difficult to explain why. I started by telling Daniel that it was the choice of his dad to leave him and his mom while he is still in the womb because he felt that he is unable to meet the responsibility. Then I told Daniel that I did not even know my own parents well enough because I grew up with my grandma. I also told him that he is more lucky than I am, because he has still his mom. At that moment, tears came from the eyes of Daniel, his mom and my eyes and we all hugged each other. Then Daniel's face was lighted up and there was peace and joy that prevailed among us. At the end of the Conference I met Daniel and his mom in the garden park and we had a picture taken.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Friday, May 1, 2009
My Kensho Experience of God's Compassion
During the Zen-Ignatian Retreat at Maryridge Retreat House, Tagaytay City, Philippines last March,1988 I have the following experience...
When I began the retreat with Ruben Habito, who was a newly accredited zen teacher at that time I told him of my desire to experience God's love in the course of my 30 day retreat, March 1-30, 1988. He gave me the koan Mu to work on. I then began the strenuous journey of sitting, breathing in and breathing out, plus, of course the lingering aching back and legs, while trying to silence the mind and the tense body.
During daily sitting, the Zen Master provided hints like, "every in-breath is God's self-emptying, and every out-breath is your self-offering to God." During "teisho" (Zen Talk), he reminded us all to be aware of our every act - eating, strolling, sleeping, etc. In the "dokusan" (zen student before zen teacher) room, he kept encouraging us by saying, "Just be yourself" and "Let your senses open".
During one of Ruben Habito's teisho, he talked about God's compassion. I was struck by the presentation of the compassionate God present in every being, in every breath, in every step. The challenge he threw my way was, "Now, show me God's compassion in its concrete form!"
One afternoon, during the latter part of the second week, I went down Maryridge Hill where grasses, trees, benches and a view of Taal Volcano waited. On one of the benches, I saw a moving row of grass worms. I sqatted by a bench and watched the worms slowly and quietly crawling along. Suddenly I felt something on my right leg. My right hand swept down to brush it off. When I looked down, I saw (and felt) a fellow grassworm. It was coiled, aftraid and hurt by my rejection. At that very moment, my own childhood experience of being rejected flashed in my mind. I really felt one with that worm. I tried to comfort it by placing it alongside the row of marching worms, but it remained coiled. Following my natural instinct, I got a dry leaf, slid the worm on top of it, and slowly breathed with compassion on the round stiff mass. With relief and joy, I saw the worm moved. I put it back again with its fellow worms, who made room for it and the line became perfect again. At that moment I also felt the great compassion I had received from my superiors and friends who understood and accepted me as I am.
The next day at dukusan, I told Ruben Habito about the incident, saying there seems to be a fusion of mu, my breath and God's compassion. He nodded and shot another question at me, "What's the other name of God's compassion?" When I failed to respond immediately, he rang the bell for dismissal, but encouraged me by saying that I was close to grasping Mu.
That evening, I sensed one of my fellow retreatants wanted to talk, so I listened to him as had coffee together. At dokusan the next day I told Ruben Habito that I stayed with by brother in his time of need, and so the other name of God's compassion is a loving presence. He did not say I was right or wrong, but told me he wanted a concrete response. I went back to my sitting, to my search and to my awareness of every moment.
Later, during one of our sits, Ruben Habito uttered in a loud voice, "Every breath is full and complete...Every breath is God's compassion received and given." I began anew to put my whole self and whole being into every step of the kinhin (zen meditative walk) that followed. I began to realize the fullness of it all. Every step is as ordinary as myself, and as perfect as myself. At that very moment, I became aware that God's compassion is Bobby doing every act as full, completely full, but at the same time completely empty.
This experience was heightened the next afternoon. I was sitting under a tree when my eye fell on a fallen leaf. Instantaneously, there was complete identification, and I went right to Ruben Habito and told him the other name of God's compassion. He threw out some more koans, and when I responded without hesitation, he confirmed my "kensho" (zen awakening) experience. All creation walked with me the rest of the day. I savored the beauty of that reality.
In subsequent dokusan, I was confronted with the koan about the origin of Mu. It was evening and I was tired, and I did not want even to think about the answer, knowing that a direct concrete grasp of it is the Zen way of getting it. When I turned off the light in my room before retiring, I noticed how bright the moonlight was. I went to the window and there she was smiling at me. I asked her what her origin is. Her answer enveloped me completely. I returned her smile and went to bed.
When I went to dokusan the next day, I let myself be one with the moon and her response, and Ruben Habito joined me in the smile. He did, however, asked me to save one dying child in Africa. And that night as I went to bed again, in the clear moonlight, all the world joined me and I rested fully as I am.
I am most grateful for my experience which I can best describe as one of undifferentiation, as the Zen books say. I am not different from the universe. And in just doing every act as best I can in full awareness, I am receiving and giving God's compassion to all people. - Bobby Sagra
When I began the retreat with Ruben Habito, who was a newly accredited zen teacher at that time I told him of my desire to experience God's love in the course of my 30 day retreat, March 1-30, 1988. He gave me the koan Mu to work on. I then began the strenuous journey of sitting, breathing in and breathing out, plus, of course the lingering aching back and legs, while trying to silence the mind and the tense body.
During daily sitting, the Zen Master provided hints like, "every in-breath is God's self-emptying, and every out-breath is your self-offering to God." During "teisho" (Zen Talk), he reminded us all to be aware of our every act - eating, strolling, sleeping, etc. In the "dokusan" (zen student before zen teacher) room, he kept encouraging us by saying, "Just be yourself" and "Let your senses open".
During one of Ruben Habito's teisho, he talked about God's compassion. I was struck by the presentation of the compassionate God present in every being, in every breath, in every step. The challenge he threw my way was, "Now, show me God's compassion in its concrete form!"
One afternoon, during the latter part of the second week, I went down Maryridge Hill where grasses, trees, benches and a view of Taal Volcano waited. On one of the benches, I saw a moving row of grass worms. I sqatted by a bench and watched the worms slowly and quietly crawling along. Suddenly I felt something on my right leg. My right hand swept down to brush it off. When I looked down, I saw (and felt) a fellow grassworm. It was coiled, aftraid and hurt by my rejection. At that very moment, my own childhood experience of being rejected flashed in my mind. I really felt one with that worm. I tried to comfort it by placing it alongside the row of marching worms, but it remained coiled. Following my natural instinct, I got a dry leaf, slid the worm on top of it, and slowly breathed with compassion on the round stiff mass. With relief and joy, I saw the worm moved. I put it back again with its fellow worms, who made room for it and the line became perfect again. At that moment I also felt the great compassion I had received from my superiors and friends who understood and accepted me as I am.
The next day at dukusan, I told Ruben Habito about the incident, saying there seems to be a fusion of mu, my breath and God's compassion. He nodded and shot another question at me, "What's the other name of God's compassion?" When I failed to respond immediately, he rang the bell for dismissal, but encouraged me by saying that I was close to grasping Mu.
That evening, I sensed one of my fellow retreatants wanted to talk, so I listened to him as had coffee together. At dokusan the next day I told Ruben Habito that I stayed with by brother in his time of need, and so the other name of God's compassion is a loving presence. He did not say I was right or wrong, but told me he wanted a concrete response. I went back to my sitting, to my search and to my awareness of every moment.
Later, during one of our sits, Ruben Habito uttered in a loud voice, "Every breath is full and complete...Every breath is God's compassion received and given." I began anew to put my whole self and whole being into every step of the kinhin (zen meditative walk) that followed. I began to realize the fullness of it all. Every step is as ordinary as myself, and as perfect as myself. At that very moment, I became aware that God's compassion is Bobby doing every act as full, completely full, but at the same time completely empty.
This experience was heightened the next afternoon. I was sitting under a tree when my eye fell on a fallen leaf. Instantaneously, there was complete identification, and I went right to Ruben Habito and told him the other name of God's compassion. He threw out some more koans, and when I responded without hesitation, he confirmed my "kensho" (zen awakening) experience. All creation walked with me the rest of the day. I savored the beauty of that reality.
In subsequent dokusan, I was confronted with the koan about the origin of Mu. It was evening and I was tired, and I did not want even to think about the answer, knowing that a direct concrete grasp of it is the Zen way of getting it. When I turned off the light in my room before retiring, I noticed how bright the moonlight was. I went to the window and there she was smiling at me. I asked her what her origin is. Her answer enveloped me completely. I returned her smile and went to bed.
When I went to dokusan the next day, I let myself be one with the moon and her response, and Ruben Habito joined me in the smile. He did, however, asked me to save one dying child in Africa. And that night as I went to bed again, in the clear moonlight, all the world joined me and I rested fully as I am.
I am most grateful for my experience which I can best describe as one of undifferentiation, as the Zen books say. I am not different from the universe. And in just doing every act as best I can in full awareness, I am receiving and giving God's compassion to all people. - Bobby Sagra
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
You are My Beloved--Be Still and Know...
You are My Beloved--Be Still and Know...
by Ruben Habito
(Perkins Chapel, Sept. 10, 2003)
Readings:
Isaiah 43:1-7
Psalm 46
Mark 1:9-11
When I was a theological student preparing for ordination in the Roman Catholic priesthood in the 1960’s and 70’s, one of my professors conveyed a point in class that continues to resonate with me today. This was in our class in Introduction to the New Testament, taught by an Austrian-born Jesuit priest who had spent years in China as a missionary, suffered torture and harassment, and was sent to the Philippines to join the Jesuits there after the Chinese government had closed its doors to Christian missionary activity. A diminutive man barely over five feet tall and into his seventies, he would stand on a platform in front of the classroom, and speak to us in a thundering voice with a thick European accent.
“The Bible,” he would say, “is a love letter, from God, to all of us.”
As a Biblical scholar and teacher, he was no less demanding in walking us through the rigors of Greek conjugation, and historical and form criticism, redaction criticism, and through the different hermeneutical strategies for understanding Biblical passages in their social and historical context. But while teaching us all these sophisticated tools for approaching the Bible, he succeeded in conveying to us a fundamental attitude in its reading, namely, that is not to be read in the way that one would dissect a biological specimen to analyze its contents in a dispassionate way. Rather, we take it, and read it as a beloved would read a letter from a lover.
The passages read today somehow highlight this message I heard from my Jesuit professor of long ago. I would like to invite each and everyone here today to just pause, and let these words resonate within ourselves, each in our own unique way.
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are mine.
“Because you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you.”
“Fear not, for I am with you.” (Is. 43: 1, 4)
The words that Jesus heard as he was baptized in the Jordan, inaugurating his ministry, are likewise addressed to each and everyone of us, in a unique way. “You are my Beloved, in whom I am well pleased.” (Mk.1:11)
I have a well-grounded hunch, that each and everyone of us is where we are today, precisely because we have heard this voice in our lives in a particular way. The call to ministry is a call that is born out of love, and is a call to share that love with all that we have and all that we are. We are here at Perkins community in our respective ways, as students preparing for ministry, as faculty, as staff, as our concrete way of responding to that call of love.
Those of you who are here to prepare yourselves for ministry in the Christian community in different ways, taking up the call to undergo this rigorous and taxing, but sometimes exhilarating journey called the curriculum of studies, are hopefully able to find in one another as well as in the faculty and staff, true companions along the way. The word companion, by the way, is from the Latin, cum, with, and pan, bread---that is, one with whom one takes bread together. We are in the good company of persons who share a fundamental calling, coming out of a hearing of that message: You are my Beloved, in whom I am well pleased.
Incidentally this weekend, the faculty will meet in our annual conference, to discuss and share with one another about our calling as theological educators, in continuation of the same theme from last year. It is indeed a moving experience to hear one’s colleagues openly share about this very intimate dimension of their lives, and a very heartwarming experience to find resonances with one another on these matters.
We do not need to be reminded of the fact that taking up the call is not always a smooth ride. We inevitably run into situations wherein we are put to the test, not just in Hebrew grammar or Greek conjugations, but with issues that may cast doubt on the whole enterprise we have embarked upon. Do I really have a calling? We may come to a crisis of faith, a crisis of vocation at some point, before, or after graduation from Perkins. We are also not immune from personal tragedies of different kinds. In these situations we may be asking ourselves---where is the love?
As we open our eyes and ears to what is happening in the world around us, the world wherein we are called to witness to that love that we have heard in our hearts and are seeking to embody in our own lives, we cannot help recognize that the words of the Psalm read earlier ring true for us today in our world as it did in the Psalmist’s own time.
The nations are in turmoil, the kingdoms totter…(Ps. 46: 6)
We live in a world marked by tremendous suffering that many of our fellow human beings are bearing. Tomorrow, as we recall, is September 11, and the pain of that tragic event that happened two years ago is still felt by the entire world today. (We will commemorate the event at our liturgy tomorrow, and with a special service in the evening.) Rather than abating and being healed by the passage of time, subsequent actions and reactions by human beings, not excluding ourselves, in response to that tragic event, appear to have deepened the wounds and heightened the divisions in our human family.
We are witness to the continuing violence we humans perpetrate on one another on various levels, in our families, in our schools, in the inner cities, not to mention the more than thirty or so different regions of the world where actual warfare is being waged right at this moment. Looking at another kind of violence, World Health Organization statistics inform us that approximately 35,000 children under the age of five die daily in our world, due to causes related to hunger and malnutrition. We are also made aware of the violence to the Earth and to God’s creation, as we feel the effects of a deteriorating ecological situation. Indeed, in all this, where is the love? Perhaps we may even come to a point where we are led to ask, is there really a God in all this?
Confronted with the woundedness of creation and of our fellow human beings, not excluding our own personal woundedness, our hearts may be led to cry in anguish, “where is the love?”
Perhaps there have been moments when we could identify with Jesus on the Cross, as he cried out, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”
In such moments, as we feel most vulnerable, as we feel inundated by the our own personal pain, or by the pain of the whole creation, groaning for justice, crying out for salvation, longing for God, this cry of Jesus becomes our very own. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”
In such moments, we can do nothing cry out in our powerlessness, one with the countless fellow creatures of ours who bear the cross of Jesus in their very bodies. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?
If we find ourselves in such a dark night of the soul, the Psalmist invites us: let us not try to find some way of turning our attention away from the darkness and the pain, or to seek some kind of false consolation or diversion. We are invited not to succumb to the different weapons of mass distraction that our society provides for us, seeking momentary pleasures, burying ourselves in our work or even in our studies, taking up some mindless computer game that will ease away the pain or anxiety or turmoil we feel coming from within. Instead, we are invited to be still, and stay there in that darkness, and wait, and trust.
I am reminded of the story of someone who accidentally slipped walking by a steep cliff, and was about to fall into a ravine, but luckily was able to hang on to a branch that stuck out a rock near the top. Looking up to heaven, this person cries out, “O God, help me! Are you there? Help me!” A voice thunders from the heavens, saying, “I am your God. Have no fear. Trust in me. Let go.” The person hesitates for a moment, and looking up, cries out, “Is there anybody else out there?”
On a serious note, I am also reminded of a person dear to my heart, whose picture I always carry in my wallet. Her name is Simone Weil, a woman born of Jewish parentage, who joined those resisting tyranny as a nurse’s aide, and died at the age of 32 before the end of the Second World War. There are many things I could say about her, but here let allow me to justrecall two or three points.
She was a person extremely sensitive to the sufferings of her fellow humans, and sought a way of life that would help in the alleviation of this suffering.
She was a person who relentlessly asked the big questions about human existence. Her own life was a continuing religious search, and its motif was summed up in the title given to a collection of her letters and essays published after her death: Waiting on God. (The French, Attente de Dieu, invites the resonance not just of “waiting,” but also of “being attentive,” “paying attention,” “attending to.”
I was very inspired and thrilled the other day when, sitting in at a class in Interpretation of the New Testament of Professor Jaime Clark-Soles, I noted that one of her essays was on the required reading list. This is an essay entitled “Reflections on the Right Use of School Studies with a View to the Love of God.” This class became an occasion for me to read her essay once again after a lapse of more than twenty years. What does a person like Simone Weil have to say to us today, which also relates to a fundamental attitude in the Interpretation of the New Testament?
This essay conveys one central point: the development of the faculty of attention. Simone points out that studies “…are extremely effective in increasing the power of attention which will be available at the time of prayer, on condition that they be carried out for this purpose, and this purpose alone.” (Waiting on God, p.66) In other words, it is this same attentiveness that we are invited to give to our studies, as we are to give to God in prayer, as well as to our neighbor in seeking to know how to love them.
As we go through our dark night of the soul, Simone Weil suggests: stay there in all attentiveness, and listen. If we are patient enough to stay there and truly listen in that silence, perhaps we may hear a gentle, reassuring voice, addressing us, in the middle of our darkness and pain. These are the same words that Jesus heard throughout his life, including those bleakest moments as he hung on the Cross.
“You are My Beloved, in whom I am well pleased.”
As we are able to hear this voice addressed to us personally, in a most intimate way to ourself, we are also able to hear it as being addressed to each and everyone of our fellow human beings, fellow creatures of the Divine Grace that brought us out of nothingness into being.
You are my Beloved, in whom I am well pleased.
The Psalmist invites us to the same stance.
“…though the earth should change, though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult…the nations are in turmoil, the kingdoms totter…
yet…God’s voice is uttered, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us. The God of Jacob is our refuge.
Come, behold the works of God. See what desolations have been wrought upon the earth. God makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. God breaks the bow, and shatters the spear, burns the shields with fire.
Be still, and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge.” (Ps. 46)
I close with this image of Jacob, whom we all know is a person who wrestled with God. As we go through the ups and downs, the twists and turns of our daily tasks, seeking to be faithful to our calling, seeking guidance on the concrete ways we are called to minister to this wounded world, we may sometimes get hemmed in and feel trapped by the minutiae of issues put on our way, and find ourselves in the midst of a struggle. The figure of Jacob reminds us with Whom it is that we are struggling, with Whom it is that we are wrestling. In the midst of this struggle, the words of the Psalmist again address us at the deepest layers of our being.
“Be still, and know, that I am God.” And in that stillness, we might hear once more, in a more resounding way: “You are my Beloved, in whom I am well pleased.”
Personal Comments: Ruben Habito is one of the significant persons in my spiritual formation. I first met him in Maryridge Retreat House in Tagaytay City in March 1988when I participated in a 30 Day Zen-Ignatian Retreat conducted by him aided by Rosario Battung and another religious sister whose name I forgot. The last time I met Ruben was in Maria Kannon Zen Center in Dallas, Texas in February 2006 and I had the grace of going for Dokusan on the Koan Mu before him and confirmed by him. His last words for me before I headed back to Pecos Benedictine Monastery in Pecos, New Mexico was, "Be the compassion of God for others." In these few words he summarized his whole teaching of what living zen is all about - just living God's compassion, wherever I am, whatever I do. For me the key to this is that verse in Psalm 46, "Be still and know that I am God." Every day I have the sheer delight of looking at the stillness of the white mountain here, right from the window of my McCloud River apartment. Each time I take a glance my heart is lifted up to great amazement and wonder. The mountain takes everything, the changes of the season, the clouds, the rains, the sunshine, yet it stays still, calm and majestic. I remember a Koan that Ruben Habito used to ask us during that 30 day retreat in Tagaytay. How can you make the mountain in the middle of the lake move? It was on that retreat that I myself discovered and realized God as compassion and experienced a deep enlightenment of my soul. It was around the third week of the retreat. I was sitting on a bench outside while looking at the lake below. A worm came by crawling over my skin. I brushed it off and it fell to the ground. I felt sorry for the worm and took it back and let it rest on the palm of my hand. I comforted it and breathed onto it. Life was ignited in the worm and in me as I entered into "just being one" with it. Then I knew what love is, what compassion is all about and who God is! Today, that is also my stance for life, my vision for living and joy of being - to be the embodiment of God's compassion in the world. - Bobby Sagra
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Good Relationship in Marriage
” A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance. The joy of such a pattern is not only the joy of creation or the joy of participation, it is also the joy of living the moment.
But how does one learn this technique of the dance? Why is it so difficult? What makes us hesitate and stumble? It is fear, I think, that makes us cling nostalgically to the last moment or clutch greedily toward the next. But when the heart is flooded with love there is no room in it for fear, for doubt, for hesitation. And it is this lack of fear that makes for the dance. When each partner loves so completely that he has forgotten to ask himself whether or not he is loved in return; when he only knows that he loves and is moving to its music - then, and then only, are two people able to dance perfectly in tune to the same rhythm.
But should they not also be in tune with a larger rhythm, a natural swinging of the pendulum between sharing and solitude; the intimate and the abstract, the near and the far? And in this image of the pendulum swinging between opposite poles, is there not a clue to the problem of relationships as a whole? Is there not here a hint in understanding and acceptance of the eternal ebb and flow and inevitable intermittency of life’s relationships?
For the life of our emotions and our relationships is intermittent. When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet it is exactly what most of us demand. We have little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
Intermittency - an impossible lesson for human beings to learn. How can one learn to live through the ebb tides of one’s existence? It is easier to understand here on the beach, where the breathlessly still ebb tides reveal another life below the level which mortals usually reach; one has revelation of the secret kingdom at the bottom of the sea.
Here one finds, wading through warm ripples, great horse conches, white sand dollars, and myriads of bright-colored cochina clams glistening in the foam. So beautiful is the still hour of the sea’s withdrawal.
Perhaps this is the most important thing for me to take back from beach living: simply the memory that each cycle of the tide is valid; each cycle of a relationship is valid. And my shells? I can sweep them all into my pocket. They are only there to remind me that the sea recedes and returns eternally.”
- taken from Gift From the Sea
By Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Personal Comments - By Bobby Sagra
I just came home from a weekend holiday trip to Reno, Nevada where I attended the 60th Annual Convention & Trade Show of the California Groundwater Association, October 31-November 1, 2008 held at John Ascuaga’s Nugget Hotel. It is raining outside so I just decided to stay home and spend time in solitude. I remember I have still the book I borrowed from the McCloud Library entitled, Selections From Gift From the Sea written by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. After I have made a quick carpentry job on making a book shelf and eating my lunch, I sat and read through it. Over these past days my mind reflected upon what really matters in a relationship. My question got a clear answer above when Anne Morrow Lindbergh said that, “when the heart is flooded with love there is no room in it for fear, for doubt, for hesitation.” This month of November 2008 will be the eleventh month of the marriage between me and my wife Marl. While I was in my hotel room in Nugget I took time to browse over the scene from my window glass. Down below I saw cargo trains, iron tracks and small storage buildings. I continued browsing and my sight turned to the surrounding mountains and its clouds above. A flock of birds pass by or a domestic plane flies over. There is balance, beauty, harmony in life and in the relationship like marriage I am in, only if I am open to widen the horizon of my browsing heart and mind. In the above write up, Anne Morrow Lindbergh spoke of the principle of “Intermittency” as a lesson to learn especially in dealing with relationship in one’s life. What prompted me to confirm this as true is the experience of seeing two rainbows along the highway on our way back from Reno. A colorful rainbow can only be seen in the intermittent flow of rain, sunshine and a water pond or stream. It is for me another complete show of life’s wonderful flow and rhythm of things. A good mix of each cycle of life is needed to complete a good pattern of living. It is only in my own acceptance of life in its true cycle, rhythm, colors, sounds and myriad paradoxes that I can fully embrace whatever life brings in my field of relationship today. Nikki Giovanni said that “love is the greatest adventure.” I say in a very simple and candid way as far as I have experienced it that love is the only clearest explanation for everything that flows into life, into relationships and into the puzzle of its ebb and returning…, its eternal art of sacred permanence amidst the changing of its seasons and cycles.
In addition to Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s idea of Intermittency as a great foundation in understanding the problems of life and relationships I would like to suggest some basic attitudes one can have so as not to be overwhelmed and overturned from the focus and stability of the relationship. The first is that of honesty. I simply need to be honest with who I am, with what I feel and with what I believe in. I can share this with my wife or friend in a very spontaneous way. The second is that of openness to the myriad possibilities and challenges for growth in my life and in my married relationship. Then the third is the willingness to take action to accept my wife for who she is and to the courage to change the way I relate with her in a more positive, loving and healing ways as we continue to share the joy and the love of each new day in our relationship.
As we celebrate our 11th month Anniversary of Marriage I have only one wish and one prayer for my wife Marl, and that is, for her to be truly happy and grateful for the gift of life and of our love together as we spend the rest of our days in the mystery and wonder of life’s beauty and intermittency.
But how does one learn this technique of the dance? Why is it so difficult? What makes us hesitate and stumble? It is fear, I think, that makes us cling nostalgically to the last moment or clutch greedily toward the next. But when the heart is flooded with love there is no room in it for fear, for doubt, for hesitation. And it is this lack of fear that makes for the dance. When each partner loves so completely that he has forgotten to ask himself whether or not he is loved in return; when he only knows that he loves and is moving to its music - then, and then only, are two people able to dance perfectly in tune to the same rhythm.
But should they not also be in tune with a larger rhythm, a natural swinging of the pendulum between sharing and solitude; the intimate and the abstract, the near and the far? And in this image of the pendulum swinging between opposite poles, is there not a clue to the problem of relationships as a whole? Is there not here a hint in understanding and acceptance of the eternal ebb and flow and inevitable intermittency of life’s relationships?
For the life of our emotions and our relationships is intermittent. When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet it is exactly what most of us demand. We have little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
Intermittency - an impossible lesson for human beings to learn. How can one learn to live through the ebb tides of one’s existence? It is easier to understand here on the beach, where the breathlessly still ebb tides reveal another life below the level which mortals usually reach; one has revelation of the secret kingdom at the bottom of the sea.
Here one finds, wading through warm ripples, great horse conches, white sand dollars, and myriads of bright-colored cochina clams glistening in the foam. So beautiful is the still hour of the sea’s withdrawal.
Perhaps this is the most important thing for me to take back from beach living: simply the memory that each cycle of the tide is valid; each cycle of a relationship is valid. And my shells? I can sweep them all into my pocket. They are only there to remind me that the sea recedes and returns eternally.”
- taken from Gift From the Sea
By Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Personal Comments - By Bobby Sagra
I just came home from a weekend holiday trip to Reno, Nevada where I attended the 60th Annual Convention & Trade Show of the California Groundwater Association, October 31-November 1, 2008 held at John Ascuaga’s Nugget Hotel. It is raining outside so I just decided to stay home and spend time in solitude. I remember I have still the book I borrowed from the McCloud Library entitled, Selections From Gift From the Sea written by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. After I have made a quick carpentry job on making a book shelf and eating my lunch, I sat and read through it. Over these past days my mind reflected upon what really matters in a relationship. My question got a clear answer above when Anne Morrow Lindbergh said that, “when the heart is flooded with love there is no room in it for fear, for doubt, for hesitation.” This month of November 2008 will be the eleventh month of the marriage between me and my wife Marl. While I was in my hotel room in Nugget I took time to browse over the scene from my window glass. Down below I saw cargo trains, iron tracks and small storage buildings. I continued browsing and my sight turned to the surrounding mountains and its clouds above. A flock of birds pass by or a domestic plane flies over. There is balance, beauty, harmony in life and in the relationship like marriage I am in, only if I am open to widen the horizon of my browsing heart and mind. In the above write up, Anne Morrow Lindbergh spoke of the principle of “Intermittency” as a lesson to learn especially in dealing with relationship in one’s life. What prompted me to confirm this as true is the experience of seeing two rainbows along the highway on our way back from Reno. A colorful rainbow can only be seen in the intermittent flow of rain, sunshine and a water pond or stream. It is for me another complete show of life’s wonderful flow and rhythm of things. A good mix of each cycle of life is needed to complete a good pattern of living. It is only in my own acceptance of life in its true cycle, rhythm, colors, sounds and myriad paradoxes that I can fully embrace whatever life brings in my field of relationship today. Nikki Giovanni said that “love is the greatest adventure.” I say in a very simple and candid way as far as I have experienced it that love is the only clearest explanation for everything that flows into life, into relationships and into the puzzle of its ebb and returning…, its eternal art of sacred permanence amidst the changing of its seasons and cycles.
In addition to Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s idea of Intermittency as a great foundation in understanding the problems of life and relationships I would like to suggest some basic attitudes one can have so as not to be overwhelmed and overturned from the focus and stability of the relationship. The first is that of honesty. I simply need to be honest with who I am, with what I feel and with what I believe in. I can share this with my wife or friend in a very spontaneous way. The second is that of openness to the myriad possibilities and challenges for growth in my life and in my married relationship. Then the third is the willingness to take action to accept my wife for who she is and to the courage to change the way I relate with her in a more positive, loving and healing ways as we continue to share the joy and the love of each new day in our relationship.
As we celebrate our 11th month Anniversary of Marriage I have only one wish and one prayer for my wife Marl, and that is, for her to be truly happy and grateful for the gift of life and of our love together as we spend the rest of our days in the mystery and wonder of life’s beauty and intermittency.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
On Gratitude for God's Blessings - By Bobby Sagra
"Another exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings and then for a right acceptance of the many gifts that are mine -- both temporal and spiritual. . . I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know." The above lines were written by Bill W. in his letter dated March 1962 which was published in the book, The Language of the Heart p. 271 c.AAGrapevine
Today, I celebrate with my wife Marilene our 10th month anniversary of marriage. Since we are still physically apart at the moment we simply scheduled an internet chat to be able to spend time with each other. I sent her a loving greeting and a God Tube song by Steven Curtis Chapman, Cinderella and she is sent me a creative web card. I am very grateful for the gift of my wife in my life today and I am very happy to receive her as a beautiful gift from God. In the Rite of Marriage on Nuptial Blessing #3 the following are said, "Holy Father, creator of the universe, maker of man and woman in your own likeness, source of blessing for married life, we humbly pray to you for this woman who today is united with her husband in this sacrament of marriage. May your fullest blessing come upon her and her husband so that they may together rejoice in your gift of married love. Lord, may they both praise you when they are happy and turn to you in their sorrows. May they be glad that you help them in their work and know that you are with them in their need. May they pray to you in the community of the Church, and be your witnesses in the world. May they reach old age in the company of their friends, and come at last to the kingdom of heaven. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen" At the moment it is a quiet Autumn morning here in McCloud, CA USA. I hear the sounds of cars passing by the highway next to the apartment where I am staying. The trees next to my window are starting to sway their branches as being tossed gently by the cold wind. Their leaves are getting yellowish and in time will fall. In my heart, I feel joy and I want to sing a song of thanks to God for creating me and my wife Marilene in His own likeness, now as man and woman in married love and life, according to His greater purpose, glory and honor. For me, this moment is a season of thanksgiving, of faith and of hope in the loving God who provides for our daily needs. What a great gift God has given me in the person of my wife. I respect and honor her as a complete and full transformation of being a woman, a wife, a mother and a soul mate. I thank God for the wonder of her beauty, for the joy of her songs, for the heroism of her sacrifices and for her loyalty and dedication to her work. I thank God for the gift of healing and spiritual progress through the years, for the gifts of good friends and for the gift of family. I thank God for the work I do and for being of maximum service to Him and my fellows. I thank God for the gift of silence in the morning hours, where I can sit, study, pray and meditate. And for many more wonderful blessings in my life today and in the life of my wife, I thank God from the very depths of my heart and soul. Times are tough and the road of life of difficult today with the world economic situation, but it is not a reason not to pause for a while and count our blessings. What is important is not to feel dissatisfied for what we cannot have, but simply be contented and be happy for what we have. After all, in life the best of things come in freely like the serenity of the quiet morning, the smile from a little child, the warmth from a loving dog and the assurance of a lifelong companion in a married life.
Today, I celebrate with my wife Marilene our 10th month anniversary of marriage. Since we are still physically apart at the moment we simply scheduled an internet chat to be able to spend time with each other. I sent her a loving greeting and a God Tube song by Steven Curtis Chapman, Cinderella and she is sent me a creative web card. I am very grateful for the gift of my wife in my life today and I am very happy to receive her as a beautiful gift from God. In the Rite of Marriage on Nuptial Blessing #3 the following are said, "Holy Father, creator of the universe, maker of man and woman in your own likeness, source of blessing for married life, we humbly pray to you for this woman who today is united with her husband in this sacrament of marriage. May your fullest blessing come upon her and her husband so that they may together rejoice in your gift of married love. Lord, may they both praise you when they are happy and turn to you in their sorrows. May they be glad that you help them in their work and know that you are with them in their need. May they pray to you in the community of the Church, and be your witnesses in the world. May they reach old age in the company of their friends, and come at last to the kingdom of heaven. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen" At the moment it is a quiet Autumn morning here in McCloud, CA USA. I hear the sounds of cars passing by the highway next to the apartment where I am staying. The trees next to my window are starting to sway their branches as being tossed gently by the cold wind. Their leaves are getting yellowish and in time will fall. In my heart, I feel joy and I want to sing a song of thanks to God for creating me and my wife Marilene in His own likeness, now as man and woman in married love and life, according to His greater purpose, glory and honor. For me, this moment is a season of thanksgiving, of faith and of hope in the loving God who provides for our daily needs. What a great gift God has given me in the person of my wife. I respect and honor her as a complete and full transformation of being a woman, a wife, a mother and a soul mate. I thank God for the wonder of her beauty, for the joy of her songs, for the heroism of her sacrifices and for her loyalty and dedication to her work. I thank God for the gift of healing and spiritual progress through the years, for the gifts of good friends and for the gift of family. I thank God for the work I do and for being of maximum service to Him and my fellows. I thank God for the gift of silence in the morning hours, where I can sit, study, pray and meditate. And for many more wonderful blessings in my life today and in the life of my wife, I thank God from the very depths of my heart and soul. Times are tough and the road of life of difficult today with the world economic situation, but it is not a reason not to pause for a while and count our blessings. What is important is not to feel dissatisfied for what we cannot have, but simply be contented and be happy for what we have. After all, in life the best of things come in freely like the serenity of the quiet morning, the smile from a little child, the warmth from a loving dog and the assurance of a lifelong companion in a married life.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
48th Birthday Celebration
Early this morning I called up my wife Marilene and she sang a birthday song and some other love songs for me. I went to work and my colleagues including the owner of the company greeted me Happy Birthday. When I came home I spent time viewing the greetings that family and friends sent me. I just finished having a long internet chat with my wife and I am so glad that she is there for me on this special day. Last year I can still recall that I celebrated my birthday in my hometown of Cabatuan, Iloilo, Philippines. I was still wearing a monk's cowl then and I was still in the ministerial priesthood. I celebrated Mass at the church with family, former teachers, classmates, relatives and friends. Then, a party was given at Huesca St. Then a month later I expressed my decision to leave priesthood and get married. The marriage took place in Manila last December 8,2007 and our wedding pictures got published in http://www.cabatuan.com/ Just recently my wife Marilene went home to Cabatuan for the Fiesta celebration last September 10,2008. She was very glad to make that trip and have a break from her busy office schedule in Manila. She stayed in my room in Huesca St. during her stay and she visited and came to know my family, relatives and friends there. As I celebrate my birthday today, I cannot help but pause for a moment and take a good look at my life, this gift of life that God has given me. All I could sum up saying is that God is love. Everything that had happened in my life, since I was born into this world is an expression of the love of God. St. Ignatius of Loyola in the First Week of the Spiritual Exercises highly wrote of the necessity to have this conviction and assurance of being loved by God unconditionally. In my growing up years and adult life I experienced the love of God in all aspects, especially in those very trying moments of powerlessness over areas of unmanageability and lostness of self wherein I found myself stucked in the morass of self pity, guilt, fear and anger. In the cry of Jesus on the cross, " My God, my God, why have you forsakened me? " I have found the meaning and purpose of all my pains and sufferings in life. The blessed Pope John Paul II wrote that in that very moment Jesus was expressing both the human and divine cry of anguish. In the human side, Jesus identified with the very totality of the pains of humanity and cried the same cry and asked the same question, " Why? " His human cry was also my very own at very significant and deep painful situations of my life, which is an experience of hopelessness and wasteland of abandonment. On the other hand, the divine cry for help is a sigh of surrender, of acceptance of pain as the touchstone of spiritual transformation, of the courage to let go and let God and of the willingness to die in order to live. Today as I celebrate my birthday, I am very aware and conscious that as I totally surrender to God in the divine order of things, I have chosen to die to my old self which is tired, exhausted and disgruntled and I have made a conscious and responsible decision to live my new life of freedom from the bondage of self, of victory over my human weaknesses and imperfections and of joy for having found my true vocation in life, to live as an ordinary and simple man, loving and caring for my wife and our family and fostering our spiritual growth together as husband and wife. Today I am spiritually awakened that the best way to celebrate one's gift of life is to go inside my own self and find my reason for living. In the book, Beginning to Pray, Archbishop Anthony Bloom, the author, was interviewed by Timothy Wilson. At one point Timothy Wilson asked him, " Your father sounds to have been an extraordinary man. Can you remember very much about him? " To this question, came his touching and thought provoking reply, " I remember a certain number of his phrases. In fact there are two things he said which impressed me and have stayed with me all my life. One is about life. I remember he said to me after a holiday, ' I worried about you ' and I said, ' Did you think I'd had an accident? ' He said, " That would have meant nothing, even if you had been killed. I thought you had lost your integrity. ' Then on another occasion he said to me, ' Always remember that whether you are alive or dead matters nothing. What matters is what you live for and what you are prepared to die for.' These things were the background of my early education and show the sense of life that I got from him. " Today as I think seriously about my life I can well say that when I got married to Marilene T. Lusaya last year I had my date with destiny in the face of a tired, exhausted and distraught world where men continue to fight and hate each other even in the name of religion, where most political leaders continue to be corrupt and religious institutions continue to lose their grip of being the conscience of the human condition of misery, injustice, sickness and death. Indeed, when I got out of priesthood and got married I simultaneously declared my freedom to seek the God of my own understanding and experience and know that still I am loved, blessed and provided with the grace and strength to move on and discover untapped vistas of my spiritual search for my true meaning and purpose in life. I have found my wife Marilene to be the very reason for me to live my life to the fullest, in joy and serenity with her as we trudge the road of life hand in hand and hearts forged into one towards the stars of our greater destiny as a couple God designed and meant us to be. To end, let me quote a classic Latin verse, " Omnia Vincit Amor " which means " Love conquers all ". I also thought of this today and for me when there is true love and devotion there is no difficulty that cannot be surpassed, there is no conflict that cannot be resolved, there is no dream that cannot be realized, there is no doubt that cannot be relinquished and there is no happiness that cannot be fulfilled. On my birthday today, I have found out and deeply felt that life is a celebration not just on the day of one's birth but that in each moment of each day life in all its wonder, beauty, grandeur, drama and giftedness can be truly relished, tasted and enjoyed together especially in married life.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Spiritual Responsibility in Marriage, Marriage Message 7
"Successful marriage is always a triangle: a man, a woman, and God" (Cecil Myers). Think about it -- is your marriage "successful"? Is God the important leader in your marital relationship? Even if your spouse isn't walking in spiritual obedience, have YOU invited God to be a leader in your relationship, even if He is the silent partner until your spouse spiritually wakes up? Think about it. This week we're focusing on the subject of spiritual responsibility in marriage. I (Steve) will address the husbands and Cindy will address the wives. So first off: HUSBANDS: Spiritually bathe your wives. I've been told many times that a HUGE concern expressed by women is that their husbands are contributing little, if anything, to the spiritual health of their marriage. They say things like, "He's a great husband but he doesn't give me what I need spiritually." There are two things I've come to understand about this subject (through my own struggles in this area): (1) One of the hardest things for husbands to remember when it comes to our bride is to do what Christ showed us by His example: "to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of the water from the word" (Ephesians 5:26). For some reason many of us husbands neglect doing this. But each day is a new beginning so today could be good day to start. It's better late than never! (2) As we follow Christ's example and lovingly pray for our bride and wash her in the word of God, we strengthen our marital intimacy and bond more than almost anything else we can do for her. To wash our wives in the Word doesn't mean preaching to her. That can make her feel like a child if she doesn't appreciate this. But it's communicating the gospel with and without words. Even if your wife is hostile to your sharing the word of God with her, you can still pray a blessing silently over her and ask God to show you how to bond you closer together. For those of you who do have a wife who would enjoy this spiritual connection, we'd like to share with you some insights that Eddie recently wrote in one of the comment sections of the Marriage Missions web site (at www.marriagemissions.com). He wrote: "Probably the single most important thing that my wife of twenty-eight years and I have learned, is to pray for each other out loud every day. I am supposed to be her covering. I wouldn't want my wife going out into the world unclothed for every man to look at. If I don't cover her each and every day then spiritually, I'm sending her out exposed for the enemy to see. We pray out loud so that we can hear with our ears and get it into our minds that we are loved and cared for. Also, we know that the enemy doesn't know everything like our Father does, so we pray out loud so that he can hear. We do this even when we're angry with each other. It's amazing how hard it is to stay angry with someone when you hear them praying just for you and even harder to stay angry with someone while you're praying God's blessings on them for the day." That's great advice, isn't it? The following are some additional tips that you might find helpful as well in uniting you and your wife closertogether: 1. Find a devotional (maybe on marriage) that you can read together every night before you turn out the lights. A great one we recommend is "Devotions for a Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. (We give a review of this devotional as well as others on the Marriage Missions web site). 2. Read scripture together. You can do this even a few verses or chapters at a time, and then share insights that come to mind. 3. When God teaches you or you learn something from His Word, be sure to share that with your wife. It may bless and enrich her life as well. 4. Ask your wife how you can be praying for her throughout the day while you're apart. 5. Start the day by praying together (and/or end the day this way -- whichever works out best). This has greatly enriched my marriage with my wife. I believe it will help yours as well. As we take spiritual responsibility in our marriages, we may find that other problem areas will begin to resolve themselves as well. And men: love your wife enough to resist the temptation to chastise your wife if she isn't doing what Cindy will share next. WIVES: You are not your husband's Holy Spirit. Yes, you are his partner and you may need to "speak the truth in love" to him at times. But sometimes we do too much horizontal talking and not enough vertical talking to the Lord over matters that bother us about our husbands. Sometimes our words can get in the way of what God intends to do if they are said when our husband's ears are not receptive to hearing what we have to say. It has taken me a lot of years of anguish to finally listen to the Lord over this matter. I've come to realize that it's not our responsibility as wives, to shame or accuse our husbands of not being spiritual enough (if we perceive they are lacking). We ARE told in the Bible in Galatians 6:1-5, "If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load." What I see from those scriptures is that we are to be GENTLE if we are to "restore him." But we're also warned to watch ourselves because we could be tempted to do what we shouldn't (like saying more than we should, or saying it in the wrong manner or timing, or pointing out the "speck" in his eye when we have a "log" in our own eye). We should be careful of our own spiritual walk so we aren't hypocritical in our interactions. "Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like" (James 1:22-24). Don't allow the problems you see in your husband to distract you from living Christ. If you feel you have to nag or berate your husband to get him to "wake up" spiritually, beware! You're stepping into Holy Spirit territory. Be your husband's prayer partner and ask the Lord to show you how to love him as "unto the Lord." Know when to say something and when to be quiet. God will lead you as you draw close to Him and ask and receive. We pray that each of you will be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit in carrying out your spiritual responsibilities. "If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and power for ever and ever. Amen" (1 Peter 4:11). Blessings,Steve and Cindy Wright P.S. If you think of others who may benefit from these weekly messages, please forward this to them and encourage them to subscribe to this FREE ministry. To subscribe, visit www.christianchallengeandblessing.com
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The coming home of my wife Marilene to the Sagra Family
Today, the 7th of September my wife Marilene went to Janiuay, Iloilo, Philippines to visit my mother, Mrs. Lilia Parian Sagra and my brother, Dr. Calixto P. Sagra, MD and another brother, Carmelo P. Sagra and my uncle, Fr. Felipe A. Parian Jr. in our family home. It was a very warm, happy and loving get together as seen in the pictures my wife posted in our Friendster account: Bomarl1208. This is the very first time that my wife visited my family of origin since we were married and we thank God she has done it with grace, beauty and joy! Now we move on and keep waiting for the day when she will be getting her U.S. Visa to come and join me here in McCloud, California, USA.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Prayer of Surrender
Third Step Prayer
God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better doThy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy
will always!
Personal Comment: What can I offer to you today my God? Here I am, I offer you my whole being, my mind, my soul and all that I am. You are God and I am only a human being created and fashioned by You in my mother's sanctuary of love. In my humanness you share with me your Godliness by the gift of breath that you bestowed and makes me alive today. Here I am my God, use me as Thou wilt, for I am only a vessel, an instrument of your Hands and Feet. Sometimes my selfish nature overwhelms me, so I humbly ask you to relieve me of the weight of my selfishness. My desire and joy today is to please you like a wife wanting to please her husband. In my going out of self with your grace I am willing to live this life in radiating only your love and your kindness to others. My only concern is to focus only on doing your will today and always. Amen
God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better doThy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy
will always!
Personal Comment: What can I offer to you today my God? Here I am, I offer you my whole being, my mind, my soul and all that I am. You are God and I am only a human being created and fashioned by You in my mother's sanctuary of love. In my humanness you share with me your Godliness by the gift of breath that you bestowed and makes me alive today. Here I am my God, use me as Thou wilt, for I am only a vessel, an instrument of your Hands and Feet. Sometimes my selfish nature overwhelms me, so I humbly ask you to relieve me of the weight of my selfishness. My desire and joy today is to please you like a wife wanting to please her husband. In my going out of self with your grace I am willing to live this life in radiating only your love and your kindness to others. My only concern is to focus only on doing your will today and always. Amen
Thursday, May 1, 2008
A SONG FOR MARL - By Bobby Sagra
I sing this song for you my love
a song which is a deep echo
from the sacred mountain
where the gods sang for ages
this melody of love eternal
which is bequethed to all times
and fitting for all seasons
a gentle soothing song for all
a love song of never ending joy!
Each day a white cloud appears
over Mt. Shasta of California
I paused as I walked by and asked
a mountain sage why this is so.
I am told once in ages past
there was a beautiful lady
most lovely of all ladies here
who fell in love with man
who lives up in Mt. Shasta.
Her parents were against
her going forth to the mountain
to meet with her beloved.
But against their will
because of her great love
for the man of her whole life
for the man of her soul
she went forth one snowy morning
she walked through in the cold
she obeyed only love's stirrings
just to see her beloved one
up hidden over the lovely peak
of Mt. Shasta of California.
Unskilled in snow cruising
she vanished and never was found
like a wisp of cloud she was gone
like a snowflake she settled upon
and disappeared like a dream
among the trees and holy soil
of Mt. Shasta of California.
Few days later down the slope
of the beautiful lovely mountain
of Mt. Shasta of California,
a lake was formed in all wonder
and the people of the town
in lasting memory of the love
born and lived forever in the heart
of their dearly beloved daughter
named the lake, "Shastina"
after her name and pure love.
Until now whenever they see
the hovering soft white cloud
over Mt. Shasta of California
they whisper, "there she is again!"
visiting her beloved one
and vanishing for her repose
in a peaceful lake down below
most lovingly named after her.
What an awesome and intense love!
It's still a song in the wind's echoing,
an eternal everlasting song
the love of the most beautiful Shastina
for the man of all her heart's desire
up in Mt. Shasta of California.
As I come over here my sweet love,
I feel your love in the song
sang over and over again
my poets and singers old and new
A song of love you sing in your heart
for me your most beloved one,
my Marl, my darling, my hun!
May 01, 2008 in Poetry Permalink Comments (0)
a song which is a deep echo
from the sacred mountain
where the gods sang for ages
this melody of love eternal
which is bequethed to all times
and fitting for all seasons
a gentle soothing song for all
a love song of never ending joy!
Each day a white cloud appears
over Mt. Shasta of California
I paused as I walked by and asked
a mountain sage why this is so.
I am told once in ages past
there was a beautiful lady
most lovely of all ladies here
who fell in love with man
who lives up in Mt. Shasta.
Her parents were against
her going forth to the mountain
to meet with her beloved.
But against their will
because of her great love
for the man of her whole life
for the man of her soul
she went forth one snowy morning
she walked through in the cold
she obeyed only love's stirrings
just to see her beloved one
up hidden over the lovely peak
of Mt. Shasta of California.
Unskilled in snow cruising
she vanished and never was found
like a wisp of cloud she was gone
like a snowflake she settled upon
and disappeared like a dream
among the trees and holy soil
of Mt. Shasta of California.
Few days later down the slope
of the beautiful lovely mountain
of Mt. Shasta of California,
a lake was formed in all wonder
and the people of the town
in lasting memory of the love
born and lived forever in the heart
of their dearly beloved daughter
named the lake, "Shastina"
after her name and pure love.
Until now whenever they see
the hovering soft white cloud
over Mt. Shasta of California
they whisper, "there she is again!"
visiting her beloved one
and vanishing for her repose
in a peaceful lake down below
most lovingly named after her.
What an awesome and intense love!
It's still a song in the wind's echoing,
an eternal everlasting song
the love of the most beautiful Shastina
for the man of all her heart's desire
up in Mt. Shasta of California.
As I come over here my sweet love,
I feel your love in the song
sang over and over again
my poets and singers old and new
A song of love you sing in your heart
for me your most beloved one,
my Marl, my darling, my hun!
May 01, 2008 in Poetry Permalink Comments (0)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
THE KEY TO THE HEART - By Bobby Sagra
"The door to the human heart can be opened only from the inside." - taken from Apples of Gold
While browsing over my hotmail account I again passed by the update of the Database for high school reunions. Right there in the category of related interest I again saw the name of my beloved Marilene. It was there that I started posting some e-mails to reconnect with high school friends of the Cabatuan National Comprehensive High School that I met Marl sometime three years ago. We started communicating by e-mails. I was then a Benedictine Monk and I have an office where I am provided with a computer for my use. I became a part of Marl's life and she became a part of mine. In the beginning she will open up private matters of her life, her family and her work asking for some friendly support, especially during those times when she has some difficulties caused by the various pressures of her life. Being adept in matters concerning helping those who are trying to find meaning and direction in their lives, I will write back and give my guidance and encouragement for her. Things progressed from there joyfully for us. We exchange set of pictures, lots of hellos and hi's in a friendly casual manner. Then, one day, while we were having our usual chat conversation I honestly expressed my love for her and she responded gladly with love too. One of the most beautiful moments of that cyber love connection was when Marl sent a cd of her songs with her pictures on my birthday. I was so thrilled and happy to receive such a token of deep and sincere love from her. Then came a period when I decided to refrain from communicating with her to focus more on my life and work as a monk and to listen some more to my feelings of love for her. In the book, Fire in the Belly on the masculine psychology it is written that, "when a man truly loves a woman, he has to say goodbye to her." I did exactly just that and I found out that in that space, in that silence, in that hollow and uncertain moment in time,...that I truly love her and I want her to be a very significant part of my life in this world. To make my presence felt again in Marl's life I sent her a package gift for her birthday which she received just before Valentines Day. From then on, we started communicating again on a regular basis by giving updates and concern for each other. I was scheduled to go to Ghana, Africa last year for a new mission assignment when I heard the news that my mother got sick and I needed to go home to help in taking care of her. I went home last August, 2007 and I called up Marl as soon as I arrived home in Cabatuan, Iloilo. I asked her if she can come home for the town fiesta on September 10,2007 which she did. She said she will go home so we can meet and see each other. I met Marl for the first time ever since we communicated via internet at the new Iloilo Airport last September 8,2007. It was a very beautiful and memorable meeting. We both gave our gifts and there was heartfelt reluctance because I was still wearing my monk's robe. She brought her two year old grandson, Kiel who became our love's cupid during those four days of our tryst in Cabatuan, Iloilo. Marl went back to Manila after the town fiesta to continue her work at UMC Manila. We exchanged text messages every day. On September 30,2007 I went to Manila and joined the birthday party of Isah, Marl's daughter. I brought as my gift and "pasalubong" the famous "Tinuom" dish of chicken cooked in banana leaf from Cabatuan to the delight of everybody in the family including her son, Gabo who is finishing Mass Communication in Perpetual University of Las Pinas City. On October 22,2007 I solemnized the marriage of Jay and Bel Alere in Cavite. During the moment when as a celebrant I asked for prayer in silence for our personal needs, Marl who was there in the crowd whispered a prayer to God to have me as her husband. It is very true that God answers prayers. The very next day I decided to leave the priesthood and monkhood and proposed to marry Marl. In that mysterious yet deeply profound twists and turns of events, God's love and design for my life and that of Marl merged like a beautiful completion of a jigzaw puzzle. We both decided to get married on December 8,2007 in the Dreem Haus restaurant along Taft Avenue, Manila. Our wedding was a joyful and successful testimony of our love for each other. Guests included family members, friends and co-workers and everybody went home stomach filled, contented and mesmerized. I stayed for a while with Marl doing some fixing of the house and accompanying her to work everyday. I was with her and her kids and grandson for Christmas. We both celebrated her birthday at home with her brother Ed Lusaya as our special guest last January 24,2008. We dated on Valentines Day by Manila Bay area. Then I left Manila on February 17,2008 to go back here in the U.S. to continue my work as God's servant and minister in a new community called the University of Mechizedek, an online Ascenscion School and Retreat Center located in Glorieta, New Mexico. I continued my daily contact with Marl through the internet chat medium. Our spiritual group has decided to relocate to Mt. Shasta, California on April 21,2008. I hope to get a better income earning job there and petition Marl to come and join me here. Once again I am into a new adventure of faith and life. This time I am not alone responding to God's greater calling to holiness and love because Marl is one and united with me as my wife. I look forward to reach Mt. Shasta and be worthy to stay in that sacred mountain of God with Marl soon to come. The psalmist in questioning who shall climb the mountain of the Lord wrote the response, "he whose heart is pure..." Lord, my heart is pure and I am ready to go. Watch and care for my beloved hun Marl while I am on my journey to your holy mountain. Bless our love and devotion to each other as husband and wife. You are truly love oh Lord and you have given us the key of love which opened our hearts from the inside. We praise and we thank you for creating us for each other to love, to cherish and to be happy together in this life and in the next. Bless our love and married life as we journey along and serve you and and your people. Amen.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
The Brick
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going abit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?" The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me." Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you,"the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy pushed his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: "Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!" God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has tothrow a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.
Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain,but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light forthe way.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity."
In prayer; expect setbacks, but refuse retreat." - Richard Eastman
Do your best, bring out the best in others,Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,tell the problem how Great the Lord is!
To subscribe or unsubscribe visit http://www.christianchallengeandblessing.com
If you lack internet access you can subscribe orunsubscribe by sending a blank email message with"Subscribe" or "Unsubscribe" in the subject area. to: liverite@christianchallengeandblessing.com
Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain,but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light forthe way.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity."
In prayer; expect setbacks, but refuse retreat." - Richard Eastman
Do your best, bring out the best in others,Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,tell the problem how Great the Lord is!
To subscribe or unsubscribe visit http://www.christianchallengeandblessing.com
If you lack internet access you can subscribe orunsubscribe by sending a blank email message with"Subscribe" or "Unsubscribe" in the subject area. to: liverite@christianchallengeandblessing.com
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Changes
CHANGES
Today I pray that I may understand there are some things I cannot change:
I cannot change the weather.
I cannot change the tick of the clock.
I cannot change the past.
I cannot change another person against their will.
I cannot change what is right and wrong.
I cannot change the fact that a relationship ended.
I can stop worrying over that which I cannot change and enjoy living more! I can place those things into the hands of of the One Who is bigger than I. Save energy. Let go. Instead of trying to change someone else:
I can change my attitude.
I can change my list of priorities.
I can change my bad habits into good ones.
I can move from the place of brokenness into wholeness, into the beautiful person GOD created me to become.
- Taken from an e-mail by a friend
Today I pray that I may understand there are some things I cannot change:
I cannot change the weather.
I cannot change the tick of the clock.
I cannot change the past.
I cannot change another person against their will.
I cannot change what is right and wrong.
I cannot change the fact that a relationship ended.
I can stop worrying over that which I cannot change and enjoy living more! I can place those things into the hands of of the One Who is bigger than I. Save energy. Let go. Instead of trying to change someone else:
I can change my attitude.
I can change my list of priorities.
I can change my bad habits into good ones.
I can move from the place of brokenness into wholeness, into the beautiful person GOD created me to become.
- Taken from an e-mail by a friend
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The Privilege of Suffering - James H. Hewett
"The Privilege of Suffering" Joni Eareckson's story is now well known to us both through her books and the movieabout her paralysis as a teenager and her amazing fight back to a useful andproductive life of ministry through her art. From the preface of Joni: Isolated, by itself, what is a minute? Merely a measurement of time. There are sixtyin an hour, 1,440 in a day. At seventeen, I had already ticked off more than 9 millionof them in my life. Yet, in some cosmic plan, this single minute was isolated. Intothese particular sixty seconds was compressed more significance than all the millionsof minutes marking my life prior to this instant. So many actions, sensations, thoughts, and feelings were crowded into that fragment oftime. How can I describe them? How can I begin to catalog them? I recall so clearly the details of those few dozen seconds--seconds destined to changemy life forever. And there was no warning or premonition. What happened on July 30, 1967, was the beginning of an incredible adventure which Ifeel compelled to share because of what I have learned. Oscar Wilde wrote: "In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting whatone wants, and the other is getting it." To rephrase his thought, I suggest there arelikewise only two joys. One is having God answer all your prayers; the other is not receiving the answer to all your prayers. I believe this because I have found that Godknows my needs infinitely better than I know them. And He is utterly dependable, nomatter which direction our circumstances take us. In the Psalms we're told that God does not deal with us according to our sins andiniquities. My accident was not a punishment for my wrongdoing--whether or not Ideserved it. Only God knows why I was paralyzed. Maybe He knew I'd be ultimately happier serving Him. If I were still on my feet, it's hard to say how things might havegone. I probably would have drifted through life--marriage, maybe even divorce--dissatisfied and disillusioned. When I was in high school, I reacted to life selfishlyand never built on any long lasting values. I lived simply for each day and the pleasureI wanted--and almost always at the expense of others. --James S. Hewett, Illustrations Unlimited(Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1988) p. 13.
Personal Comment: There is a good purpose hidden in every painful life experience like the one described above. What is important is that once in a while we pause and learn the lessons of good beneath the sad realities of life and celebrate that God loves us after all just the way we are. - Bobby Sagra, Spiritual Teacher for University of Melchizedek, Glorieta, NM, USA
Personal Comment: There is a good purpose hidden in every painful life experience like the one described above. What is important is that once in a while we pause and learn the lessons of good beneath the sad realities of life and celebrate that God loves us after all just the way we are. - Bobby Sagra, Spiritual Teacher for University of Melchizedek, Glorieta, NM, USA
Daylight Vision
Daylight Vision - Poems, Blog Posts, Reflections by Bobby Sagra - God's Poet from Cabatuan, Iloilo, Philippines
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The Miracle of Goldfinches - By Ruth Fischel
It was the second winter after my son, Bob, died.I was still measuring time by his death. First it wasfour days and then five, then it was a month and thentwo. Now, it was hard to believe that more than a yearhad passed.I was definitely getting better. Everything I didand thought during that first winter had somerelationship to Bob's death. In this, the second winter,I was able to broaden my life and return to my workon a somewhat regular basis again. On most days nowI could put in quite a few hours, as compared to thefirst winter after he died, when I could barely workat all.When I say that I didn't work, I mean that I didn'twork on anything that could pay the rent or put foodon the table. I am a writer and I couldn't write anythingthat could be published. But during that first winterdid I write and write and write. I wrote from such adeep place inside of me, so deep that I did not evenknow from where the pain or the words that describedthe pain were coming to me. Words were right there,flying from my finger tips. That writing was undisciplinedand disorganized, more of a purging that was necessaryfor my healing. While I knew much of it could be usedsome day to help people. I knew it had to wait.Being a self-employed author has some advantages.One was that I couldn't be fired from my job. Andsecondly I could take all the time I needed to heal fromthis terrible tragedy. The other side of the coin wasthat I wasn't paid when I didn't produce; and thatmade for a very difficult burden financially.During this second winter I had the gift of workingin a beautiful new office in my home. I installed twobird feeders, one hanging from a high branch outsideFrench doors, which could be seen from everywherebut my desk. The other feeder was plastic and hadsuction cups to keep it stuck to the window just a fewfeet forward and to the right of my computer.During this second winter, I developed a fascinationfor all the birds that came to visit my feeders, but Ifound the goldfinches especially fascinating. I spenthours watching them as they changed their colors overthe seasons. I had never seen anything like thisphenomena before. These observations became likemeditation for me, a deep concentration that blockedout all other thoughts. I would watch in awe, transfixedas these magnificent creatures paraded their shadingsbefore me, showing off one of God's masterpieces.At the end of the Summer, the goldfinches hadbeen a bright yellow, the only way that I had everknown goldfinches. But as Fall came they began toactually change. One day they were yellow andsuddenly, or so it appeared to me, the very next daysome were muddy and gray looking. Others weremuddy and greenish. Some were tan. They were allin the process of losing their bright color andbecoming less and less yellow. They continued to feedall that winter and I looked forward to their everydayvisits, shooing the bluebirds and the crows away fromthe other feeder that hung from the tree. I evenspent $10.95 for a shield so the squirrels couldn'treach the feeder on the tree and eat their food.I have learned that the change in their feathers isnature's way of protecting Goldfinches during the winter.When the leaves fall from the trees all birds lose theirhiding places. Now they had to sit out on bare branches,becoming very visible. If they remained bright yellow,they would be easy prey for larger birds. Their new,muted colors help them to blend in more with thebranches, tree trunks and ground cover.Gradually I became accustomed to the more quietlycolored beautiful creatures in their new winter attire.And just as suddenly as their feathers had changed infall, one day in March, a speck of yellow re-appeared.I hadn't expected it, although, if I had thought aboutit, I would have realized this would eventually happen.But, the yellow was returning in the strangest ofpatterns; some in squares and patches, others blendingand soft as if an artist had taken a paint brush andmade majestically beautiful strokes at random.We can call this miracle genetic memory or aninner computer, Mother Nature or a number ofother scientific terms. But it was nothing less thanan awesome miracle to me! The birds did not haveto do anything to make it happen other than to justbe birds. They merely needed to have enough foodand sleep and warmth, and follow their natural instincts.They simply did their bird thing and the rest followedquite naturally.As I continued to watch their daily visits, thisincredible miracle expanded as they continued theprocess of changing back to brilliant yellow again.During the process, some remained a bit muddylooking, some still more greenish gray or grayishgreen, some with more yellow than others. Theircolor returned in patches, all at different timesand in different places. Each goldfinch receivedthe gift of magnificent new spring clothes in theirown time, and in time for the mating season to begin.And here I was, working again fully into the joy ofmy writing, discovering more and more gifts everydaythat reconnected me to God and to the universe.How could I not possibly believe that if God couldmake these wonderful miracles, the Goldfinches,why not for me, in my shady and murky grayish- greenbrown tan, sometimes even black pain, returning meto the full and brilliant color of the sunshine again?How could I possibly not believe that I, too, couldand would return to the joy of living, in whatever wayor shape God programmed me.How could I possibly not believe that we are allpart of a higher plan, a greater purpose, and thatthis knowledge comes to us when we are ready, witheach passing season.All we have to do was be the best people we can be,get plenty of food and rest, and do God's work. Timeand nature would tell us when we were ready foranything more or less. We simply have to do our peoplething and the rest would follow quite naturally.4/5/95© Ruth Fishelwww.spirithaven.com
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